Ice Ice Baby

Ice Ice Baby. Yep, that totally happened.

I’m not entirely proud of what I did to my glass of 2010 Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc last night.

I won’t go so far as to say I had to take a “shame shower” afterwards (you know, like when you sleep with that person you swore you never would, and then you do because it’s just so naughty but then you overwhelmingly feel disgusting and ashamed, so you try to wash it all away…). However, I will admit that it just didn’t feel right. My holier-than-thou Cork Dork Jiminy Cricket wine conscience was tsk-tsking into my ear, admonishing my choice even before I committed the offence, since we both knew it was fait accompli. Yep, it totally happened. Completely accompli.

I put ice in my wine.

(Insert ‘record-scratching’ sound effect here)

I know—it happens. People do this in real life. I see old ladies do it all the time. But I always roll my eyes and make that “ugh” sound and shudder in horror when they do it, pitying them for “not knowing any better.” Oh, how the haughty have fallen. Now, I’m just like one of those old ladies who puts ice in her wine. Mission accompli.

Here’s how it went down, Coles Notes version (I promise…maybe…):

I knew I needed to post something this week, and I’ve been working on my How I Drank My Summer Holidays piece (which will be a retrospective of some of Summer 2011 Greatest Hits), and I thought I could get it wrapped up before the Autumnal Equinox. Well, I’ve been having significant computer issues that are hindering me from making a lot of progress. In fact, I haven’t been using my computer much at all of late. So, after installing this and that, hitting CTRL+ALT+DELETE a few hundred times, and pretending that the Not Of This Earth whining sound was coming from some other source than my flailing hard drive, I snapped.


Under my writing desk resides the remainder of what was once a full case of 2010 Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc. My aunt Jill, who lives in Calgary, picked it up for a sweet $150 and it was transported to me by her daughter, my cousin Sarah, when she recently came to visit (don’t ya love how cheap you can pick up wine in Alberta?). In a moment of clarity during my Krissy Fit, I realized there was wine close at hand. A quick glance at the box under my desk and before my crazed eyes it transformed into a glass case mounted on the wall with big, bright letters emblazoned on its side that screamed: IN CASE OF TEMPORARY INSANITY DUE TO COMPUTER FAILURE BREAK GLASS.

I plunged my hand into the box, pulled out one of the remaining three bottles, screwed off the top, and just before I skulled the entire thing it dawned on me that the wine was warm. My heart began to race again, rage sweat was pouring off my head, and then it happened.

I put ice in my wine.

It was the only way. Really! Worse yet would have been drinking it warm, and a warm glass of Soving-yong Plonk (check the Kath & Kim reference, ploise!) just won’t do. So, I chose the lesser of two evils. And, I put ice in my wine.

I think I keep repeating it because I’m going through one of the stages of grief. Acceptance? Yes, that’s it. Because I still can’t quite believe it happened. But it did.

I’ve been humbled, and now that I’ve confessed my Transgression Against The Holy Grape, I invite you to do the same. Misery loves company, and dammit I know you’ve been a Sinning Sipper, too. So please: don’t leave me alone in this confessional.

I put ice in my wine last night.

Feel free to tell me about your Oenological Offenses. I won’t tell a soul, I promise. Maybe.

This Week’s Featured Wine

2010 Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc
Marlborough, New Zealand
13.0% alc./vol. ~ 750 ml

You know it, you love it. And if you don’t – you really should. I’ve been a huge fan of Oyster Bayfor many years. Consistency is really trademark with this wine. You always know that you’re going to get a classic Kiwi Sauv Blanc when you crack open a bottle. Pale straw colour, lively green flavours of gooseberry, grass, green pepper, and tropical notes. It’s a winner all around.

Oyster Bay has been doing the screw top for years, too. At first, when I was still a Stelvin hater, I just thought it was gauche. But, come on! All the more reason to enjoy a little now, close ‘er up, and save it all for later, without spilling or spoiling a drop. Stelvin enclosures are proven to assist in preserving the quality of the wine, thus less waste and almost no “off” bottles.

Sorry I put ice in you, Oyster Bay. Friends on, I hope. You were still tasty and delicious.

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2 Responses to Ice Ice Baby

  1. Aunty Jill says:

    Love this Kris and by the way, I am one of those “old” ladies that on occasion puts ice in my wine and will not apologize for said faux pas!!!! Great article!!!!

  2. Patricia says:

    A terrifically humorous article!

    Between you and moi, I have, at times,
    sprinkled a little sugar into my bubbly for the extra
    Fizz and bit of sweetness….ssssshhhhh!


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